Chris Christie Eats All The Cristo At Christ Church During Annual Chili Cookoff

Volunteers at Christ Church are surveying the damage after former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie attended Saturday's annual chili cookoff and, in the words of one deacon, "worked his way steadily east through the entire building."

The cookoff, a parish tradition since 1974, featured nineteen entries, a raffle, and a bake sale. By 2:15 p.m. it featured none of those things.

"He started at the chili. That's what it's for. That's fine," said Father Daniel Reyes. "Then he moved to the monte cristos at the sandwich table. Then he found the Cristo."

Parishioners confirmed that Christie consumed the church's supply of communion elements, an eight-foot processional banner reading CRISTO ES SEÑOR, and a plaster devotional statue that had stood in the north alcove since the Ford administration.

"I want to be clear that the statue was not food," said Reyes. "At no point was the statue food."

Christie's representatives disputed the account, calling it "wildly exaggerated," and noted that the statue was "already chipped."

The parish council has convened to address the shortfall. Sunday services will proceed with what remains, which volunteers describe as "a sleeve of oyster crackers and the good intentions of the congregation."

"We're a forgiving people," said longtime member Judith Alderman, who took second place in the chili division and has no proof of it. "But somebody ate the trophy."

Organizers say next year's cookoff will continue as planned, with one procedural change: the doors will be measured.