Colombia Declares National Cocaine Shortage Emergency Following Hunter Biden Visit

BOGOTÁ — Colombian officials declared a state of national emergency Thursday after what the Interior Ministry described as "an unscheduled forty-hour weekend" left the country's entire supply exhausted.

"We prepared for a delegation," said ministry spokesman Andrés Quintero. "We were told to expect one man and a duffel bag. In hindsight, the duffel bag should have been the tell."

The visit, initially described as a private trip, is now the subject of a formal review. Officials say the guest arrived Tuesday evening, declined a tour, and asked a series of increasingly specific logistical questions.

Emergency measures took effect immediately. The government has suspended exports, activated rationing, and dispatched inspectors to the Andean foothills, where growers report that plants have been harvested "aggressively, and in some cases conversationally."

"He talked the whole time," said farmer Ernesto Villalba. "He explained cryptocurrency to me for nine hours. I do not know what cryptocurrency is. I know less now."

Economists warn the shortfall could ripple through the region for months. The peso fell four percent on the news, then recovered slightly after the Finance Ministry clarified that the visitor had, in fairness, paid for some of it.

Neighboring Peru and Bolivia have activated their own contingency plans and are monitoring flight manifests.

"We are not accusing anyone of anything," said Quintero. "We are simply saying that when a man lands, an entire industry should not have to file for disaster relief. That is all we are saying."

At press time, Colombian authorities confirmed the visitor had departed for Paraguay, which has begun evacuating.