Local Man Discovers Democracy, Immediately Regrets It
Area resident stunned to learn his vote counts the same as everyone else's.
By Chad Newsworthy· August 25, 2026
In a stunning turn of events, local resident Gary Fensworth learned this week that democracy means his opinion counts exactly as much as his neighbor's, whom he describes as "definitely wrong about everything."
"I thought my vote would count for, like, three votes," Fensworth said. "This whole one-person-one-vote thing seems flawed."
At press time, Fensworth was reportedly drafting a strongly worded letter to no one in particular.